Some of the funniest...

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."

The other hooks his thumb behind him says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."


Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.

Bu, called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China.


A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous,"said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"

Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines."


Heroes \hee'-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does.


I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him..."Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.


I'm still trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.


Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.


You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.


The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.


Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.


A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. You know a cow was murdered for that jacket'? She sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too!"


The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."


A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."

He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.


A man driving on the highway is pulled up by a police officer on a bike. The officer says, "Pull over", and the driver pulls over to the side of the road.

He says, "I'm sorry, officer, was I speeding?".

The police officer says, "No, mate, but your wife fell out of the car a mile back."

The man replies, "Oh, that explains it. I thought I was going deaf."


A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets, a car was involved in an accident. As expected a large crowd gathered. Going by instinct, the lawyer was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.


A bus load of lawyers were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the lawyers.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them lawyers lie."