Monday, July 31, 2006

Sleepless Nite

It's not that I can't sleep, it's just that I don't see the point of me sleeping early since I do not have to work tomorrow... meaning I don't have to wake up early in the morning. Yes! no need to wake up at 6:45am. Right now it's 2:28am and I'm right in front of this marvellous screen, the LCD monitor. The same tech that stole the limelight from CRT business in the TV world. I heard this saying few times before,"There's a risk in every business" It was meant for employers due to the high risk of failure but it should also meant for employees since the whole workforce will be effected if the business fails. Don't you think so?

Who wanna buy this?

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Saturday, July 29, 2006

Nice postcard

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Bunny at work

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Sunday, July 23, 2006

It's a cold day

Yes it is... i didn't see the sun today. There was haze all over everywhere I go. I couldn't have been affecting my mind, my judgement. No! It's gotta be something else. It seems like tolerence but is it? What kind of tolerence are we talking about? Relationship? Strange... Should a couple be tolerence of each other if they're already good enough to give and take? It's like he story of chicken and egg. Which comes first? What are the sacrifices does a couple have to go through to make a relationship works? Is it sacrifices for the future family the couple trying to build or is it for something else? What do we contribute to make the relationship better or what are the things we try to do to make everything perfect? It would be unfair for just a person to carry all the responsibility without the support of the other half. It is often misjudged as the stronger sex would have to carry all the responsibility by himself. In some cases, it would be herself. In a matter of give and take, it should be levelled out. No matter whatever the circumstances are, it should be 50/50, 40/60, 30/70 or even 20/80 but never 0/100. Whether it's good or bad... I'm probably talking crap here since I have too much to drink. I'll stop here for now.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Before there was Kuala Lumpur...

Back in time ...
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Dragon Tiger Gate

Looks good.. lots of martial art :)
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A good reading... from Lowyat.Net forum

This is a very interesting scene which I found at ... just thought it would be a good read for NBTD day :) ( extracted from this link

Sorry, this will be EXTREMELY LONG to read. Ok, the other two topics that was posted by Pennywise is actually for me. These topics are inter-related. He posted it up for me because I could not register properly. However, this is the main thread. This is not hypothetical.

From the thread, What would you do? Common scenario, you can roughly get the idea of what's going on in my life.

I have a girlfriend, E of ~4 and half years. She is always flying cause she is an air-stewardess. Initially, we thought of marriage and talked about it. At first, she was excited with the idea. Later on, she said she cant settle down at the moment, she enjoys her career and would want to do that for a long time more. I am the same age as Pennywise, we are both 26 and my girlfriend is 27.

In the other thread, it involves my pet-sis strange behaviour, What does it mean, if she said this to you?, this was what happened recently.

My girlfriend is E. E and S are friends. However, S has been going out with me without E's knowledge. It happened because my girlfriend is very pretty, air-stewardess, a lot of her colleague is trying to woo her, including pilots. I am still not convinced that she postpone our wedding (initially planned for next year) just for career. I dont fly with her so I dont know who she mix with at work and off work.

While E is always away, S is always with me. Yes, S knows my girlfriend is E. After a while, I start to sense that S is falling in love with me. However, in order to control herself, she made me her pet-brother / god brother. Because E always disappoints me, I also start to have feelings for S but then I do not want to waste my relationship of 4 years just like that.

Last weekend, while E was flying in New York. I called her and she said I was interrupting her work. I was upset, so I went out with S.

On Friday night, S and I went to out for a drink. We met up during dinner, we talked, mostly about my relationship. As a pet-sis, she is very kind, offered help and advices, telling me she will always be around for me. After dinner, we went for some beers and we chatted till 3am before going back home. We got drunk, did some weird things like licking each others' arms and then laugh. I think we make out but dont remember what else we did but did not have sex with her even though Pennywise and my other friends think I am 'kam sau' that might have telan innocent S.

On Saturday, I met her up at 12 noon. We had lunch, went window shopping, had lots of fun. Talked about things, played, laughed, it made me feel like paktohing again when my girlfriend has always been too busy for me. Never around for me. We met up with S's colleagues, had a drink, chatted and then her colleagues left.

We finished window shopping and left 1-Utama at 5pm. As I was driving back home, I called Pennywise out for dinner. Since S wanted to come along, there was no point sending her home so S came over to my house to borrow some DVDs. While waiting for dinner at 7.30pm, she sat to use my PC to check mail while I went to bed to sleep.

After an hour, I woke up and found her sleeping next to me. She turned around and opened her eyes, she giggled and I just touched her hair and sayang her head. After a bit of conversation, S said "You can touch me anywhere except my private part." No lies. I was tempted to touch her all over but I think could this be a trap on behalf of my girlfriend, E? Or does she really want me to touch her? Why no private parts? Cause she not ready or cause she cannot bring herself to betray E, yet? In my mind, I think she can lay down on my bed to sleep with me, sure it may lead somewhere.

So, as pet brother, I didnt touch her. I thought of myself, for her, for my girlfriend, the triangle love problem, I just kissed her forehead and told her to rest. I went back to sleep and she slept closer in near me and hugged my arm. We slept together for 1 hour + without doing anything else. When Pennywise called, we woke up and went out for dinner. As we got out of my room, both my parents was at home. Both of them were shocked to see that the girl who walked out of my room is not E and has never met S before. But my parents are cool so dont mind that.

After dinner, Pennywise and another friend, L wanted to go up Genting to meet L's brothers who are already there. So I went along and S came with us. We started our journey at 10pm and got to Genting around 11.40pm. We had a drink in Coffee Bean at first. After a drink with Pennywise, L, L's brothers, L's brother's friends. S felt out of place and said she wanted to go walked around, go visit the casino, etc. So, I agreed to go with her cause the crowd was too noisy and I was still thinking about my relationship with my girlfriend and what my pet-sis, S has said to me when laying in bed with me.

So I went for a walk with S. Oh yea, I forgot to mentioned that she has an injured leg, not too badly but she was afraid other people in the busy casino might stepped on it, so I held onto her shoulder the entire time, to keep her close to me and to protect her from being stepped on the injury. For about 20 minutes, I held her shoulder and kept her close while she had her arms folded cause if she put her arms down, it will be in the way cause we are so close together. I asked if she mind me holding her like that. She smiled and said "Why should I mind?" So, I said I was just trying to protect her, which is the truth!

After that, she said walking with folded arms are uncomfortable. So from then on, we held hands - fingers across fingers like paktoh like that. My heart start to beat faster. Coming out of the casino, on the escalator, she asked "Do you feel like we are paktohing?" I pretend I didnt hear her and let go of her hand and move down on step in front of her. I am quite tall but not as tall as Pennywise, she stood behind me and gave me a neck massage, say I so sanfu drive them all up there. Asked if I was tired and etc.

Then she asked again "Do you feel like we are paktohing?" I replied "No." and she said "She feel a bit like it and she is very happy." She is very comfortable with me, thats why she made me her pet bro. Then we held hands again and walked back towards Coffee Bean, until near Coffee Bean, we both let go but our friends arent there anymore. So, I called L and asked where they are, they said they are in First World, walking around and is coming back to meet us.

I was tired, I sat on a chair and S sat next to me, I tilt my head backwards and closed my eyes to rest. S snuggle up near me and put her head on my chest. After a while, Pennywise, L and L's gf came. I drove them off to Gohtong Jaya and left them in L's brother's gf apartment there. Then we took a journey back home, just S and I in the car.

We drove back towards Kepong but MRR2 was closed that night so we made a U-turn, went towards Ampang, Cheras, Sri Petaling, Bkt Jalil, Sunway, Shah Alam and finally Klang. We talked about a lot of stuff. I was driving quite slowly cause we were low on petrol and I didnt want to pump. We talked and talked. The air cond got cold and I took a pillow from the back seat and gave it to her. She took off her seat belt and put the pillow between us and crawled over to hug me. I just kept quiet and pat her head, held her waist and drove home.

She told me a lot of things, secrets and family secrets that no other living soul on the world knows. Just before she got down of the car, she told me that we have spent 16 hours (from 12pm to 5am) together that day and it was the happiest time for her. I kissed her head and she hugged me again and left. I drove home, half stone, half guilty, half happie, confused, dunno what to do.

I called Pennywise and L for bah-kut-teh the next day. These two busybody was already laughing and teasing when we met. I told them everything about it, as they are my best friends, and in return to get sounding from them!

Dont ask me if I am willing to lose my girlfriend because I do not know the answer. I dont even know what she wants and its so difficult to speak to her. With S, I am so happy but I dont think S would take me as a boyfriend because all 3 of us, S, E, myself, sometimes Pennywise, L and L's gf go out together quite frequently.

I cant start a relationship with S because that will kill E off entirely. I think I love her already but I can still control myself for now. I just know that she is always there for me, being the man, I very sayang her, maybe as a sister, maybe more.

What should I do? Does she like me?

Key people:
S = my pet sis, also E's friend.
E = my girlfriend. Myself

Pennywise, L, L's gf, L's brothers are all keh leh feh.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Hong Kong ... 8~12 July 2006 (updated)

Hong Kong... for latest photo buzz... see the flickers created by my dearest. :)

(Updated on 19 July 2006)
Here's some photo of Hong Kong and its status...

HK Convention & Exhibition Center (HKCEC)
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HK Island (Daytime) Pt. 1
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HK Island (Daytime) Pt. 2
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HK Island (Evening) Pt. 3
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HK Island (Night) Pt. 4
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A Part of Tsim Sha Tsui
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The quieter side of Mong Kok
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Still a part of nature @ Hung Hom
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Thursday, July 06, 2006

Battery low ...

An introduction to depression, the human fear factor

Depression (mood)
Depression, or, more properly, a depressed mood, may in everyday English refer to a state of melancholia, unhappiness or sadness, or to a relatively minor downturn in mood that may last only a few hours or days. This is quite distinct from the medical diagnosis of clinical depression. However, if depressed mood lasts at least two weeks, and is accompanied by other symptoms that interfere with daily living, it may be seen as a symptom of clinical depression, dysthymia or some other diagnosable mental illness, or alternatively as sub-syndromal depression. In the field of psychiatry, the word depression can also have this meaning of low mood but more specifically refers to a mental illness when it has reached a severity and duration to warrant a diagnosis; see Clinical depression. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) states that a depressed mood is often reported as being: "... depressed, sad, hopeless, discouraged, or 'down in the dumps'." In a clinical setting, a depressed mood can be something a patient reports (a symptom), or something a clinician observes (a sign), or both. A depressed mood is generally situational and reactive, and associated with grief, loss, or a major social transition. A change of residence, marriage, divorce, the break-up of a significant relationship, graduation, or job loss are all examples of instances that might trigger a depressed mood.

Subjective experience of being depressed
The feeling of depression is one of emotional
suffering, sometimes seen as a mental analogue of physical pain. Someone who is depressed may be said to have a 'heavy heart', or if more seriously depressed be 'broken-hearted', because of a common sensation of the emotion in the chest. Other somatic expressions can be a sense of 'low spirits', a 'drag' or being weighed down, and a heaviness in breathing, expressed as despondent or dejected sighing. It may also be associated with apathy, boredom, emptiness and lack of any positive source of interest or joy. Depression - in this non-medical sense - may be caused by a loss or personal failure (as in sadness), personal rejection, or indeed by any undesired outcome or situation, particularly if the situation happens or continues despite the efforts of the subject. In addition to sadness, there can in a depressed mood be a conscious resignation that the unpleasant situation is difficult to change. Usually whatever causes the state of depression is consciously recognised as the cause, which is not necessarily the case with longer-term clinical depression. Other conscious factors in maintaining depression may be loneliness and long-term stress. External affective signs of depressed mood also include a physical hunching or stooping, or putting the head in the hands, and an appearance of being physically subdued, and flatness of speech.

Sadness and sorrow tend to refer to a feeling about specific events, whereas 'depression' can be a state of more generalised, and possibly chronic, gloom and despondency that is not relieved by companionship or hope. Sadness is more likely to involve
weeping as an external sign, and the corresponding subjective experience of tension in the throat.

Determinants of mood
Depression can be the result of many factors, individually and acting in concert.

Reactions to events, often a loss in some form, are perhaps the most obvious causes. This loss may be obvious, such as the death of a loved one, or having moved from one house to another (mainly with children), or less obvious, such as disillusionment about one's career prospects. Monotonous environments can be depressing. A lack of control over one's environment can lead to feelings of
helplessness. Domestic disputes and financial difficulties are common causes of a depressed mood. Love, or lack of being able to express your feelings can lead to a feeling of unexplainable sadness or grief.

Psychological Factors
Sometimes the depressed mood may relate more to internal processes or even be triggered by them. Pessimistic views of life or a lack of self-esteem can lead to depression. Illnesses and changes in
cognition that occur in psychosis and dementias, to name but two, can lead to depression. Depression may also be comorbid with cardiovascular disorders.

Physiological Considerations
diathesis-stress model of depression (including clinical depression) is now widely accepted. This implies that underlying personality has some degree of influence over how the mood of individuals is affected by life events. The social, psychological and biological etiology of depression is still being actively investigated. The causal relationship with biological variables is unknown and so it is difficult to pinpoint the condition's roots. Some general physiological considerations include genetics (i.e. a hypothesised innate disposition to depression), neurochemistry (e.g. high levels of stress hormones such as cortisol, low dopamine activity), sleep patterns, female hormone imbalance (e.g. PMS in women), male hormone imbalance (testosterone) in men, use of medication (e.g. corticosteroids), chronic illness (e.g. diabetes or hypothyroidism), and seasonal factors (e.g. seasonal affective disorder related to hormones and sunlight).

Adaptive benefits of depression
While a depressed mood is usually seen as deleterious, it may have adaptive benefits. The loss of a loved spouse, child, friend or relation, a physical illness or loss of lifestyle, tends to lead to feelings of depression.
Freud noted the similarities between mourning and depression (then called melancholia) in a now famous paper entitled, "Mourning and Melancholia". The depressed mood is adaptive in that it leads the person towards altering their thought patterns and behavior or way of living or else continues until such a time as they do so. It can be argued that depression and clinical depression is in fact the refusal of a person to heed the call to change from within their own mind. For example, in mourning it is essential that one must eventually let go of the dead person and return to the world and other relationships. Depression appears to have the effect of stopping a person in their tracks and forcing them to turn inwards and engage in a period of self reflection; it is a deeply introspective state. During this period, which can last anything from days to years, the individual must find a new way to interpret their thoughts and feelings and reassess the extent to which their appraisal of their reality is a valid one. Seasonal affective disorder may point to an atavistic link with behaviour in hibernation.

Depressed mood in literature and culture
Unlike jealousy or anger, a mild depressed state is not intimately associated with a motive for action, and this is a likely reason for it being under-represented in drama. The journey of
King Lear could be seen as a state of depression seeking forgiveness and redemption, although it is arguably pathological. Many of the works of Anton Chekhov, such as Uncle Vanya, involve either depressed mood or clinical depression. On the other hand, sorrow and regret perhaps occur much more commonly in literature, and tragedy, where the audience or readers may share to sadness or despair of the characters, is seen as one of the greatest of art forms and perhaps the most profound. The films and plays of Ingmar Bergman cover both bereavement (as in Virgin Spring) and depressed mood (Wild Strawberries).

Saturday, July 01, 2006